I am not from Shenzhen during the Chinese New Year

January 10, 2022. (The eighth day of the twelfth lunar month)
I am sharing my feelings with you with a heavy heart. When I write down my feelings at this moment, I am playing Chen Chusheng's "Has Anyone Told You" on repeat. There are only two lines in my mind:
When the train enters this strange city
That's neon I've never seen before.

I don't know what context the lyrics were written in. But at this moment, I feel that Shenzhen is a very prosperous city, yet very unfamiliar.

The story begins at the end of 2016. I came to Shenzhen because of a long-distance relationship.
I am a boy, born in a rural area of ​​Hubei in 1994. At the age of 22, I felt that I had made a very correct but very confusing decision. The next few years proved that it was indeed the case. It took 2 years to go from confusion to the right decision.

When I was 24, I met an Amazon boss who took me into the operations industry. Although I didn’t achieve very good results, I lived up to his kindness.
When I was 26, I paid the down payment in my hometown. The money was not much, but it was half of my mother's savings, and the other half was for the bride price. My girlfriend and I also took out all our savings, and the rest was for decoration.
At the age of 27, I held my wedding in my hometown during the National Day in October 2021. I finally changed my name from my girlfriend of 5 years to my wife. This is not just a nickname, but a real wife in the legal sense and in the spiritual sense. She is the girl who accompanied me through the low years and was willing to take out her savings to buy a house for my family to decorate and get married. She is the person I love most in my life.

Maybe this is how a beautiful story should end. Although there are many twists and turns and sadness in the middle, no one wants to mention them one by one.
Yes, the story about love is over. So, what about life?

At the beginning of 2020, a sudden epidemic disrupted the whole world. Fortunately, I returned home, my hometown in Hubei.
I have been at home for more than two months, and I have had a lot of time to think about life, doubt life, and spend time with my family. This is the longest time I have spent with my parents since I started working, although I still feel reluctant to leave.
We have to separate after all.

People are always like this. When they are away from home for too long, they will miss their hometown. When they return to their hometown, they will think of the hustle and bustle of the city. I am not one of them, but I am like one of them. I like my hometown and I don't want to leave it. But there are many reasons why people have to go to big cities. This time, my reason is to make money.
In 2021, due to the government’s call not to go back home for the New Year and not to cause trouble to my hometown, I did not go home for the New Year.
 
My mother called and said that the meat at home didn't taste good when I was not at home. She sent a lot of bacon to fill my small double-door refrigerator.
Now, in January 2022, people in Sakata seem to be facing another important decision.

Going home means isolation, not going home means worry.
If I go home, I worry about causing trouble to my hometown; if I don’t go home, I still worry about it.
Going home is a long journey, but not going home still makes me worried.
Shenzhen is not my home, my home is in my hometown.
I came to Shenzhen, but I am not a Shenzhener
My heart is in my hometown.

The lyrics read:
A city that never sleeps in a winter without snow
I heard some people cheering and some people crying
I feel that this city is Shenzhen, and I feel that the person crying is me.
January 10, 2021 Time has proven that it only takes a few days to go from being right to being confused.